Hell's Bathroom
2005-01-09
7:49 a.m.

Nursing babies suck the life right out of you...literally. Then they refuse to go to sleep so they can just watch you wither away. The other night I went to sleep at 9:15 which is unheard of...unless I'm pregnant, which I'm not. *shudder* Or unless I'm having the life sucked from me by a nursing baby, which I am.

I have a great entry to put in here sometime soon. It shall be known as "The Worst Pick-Up Line In The Whole Entire World."

Our hot water heater died on Friday night. This is day two of mourning. We've been showering at my dad's who lives around the corner. According to daughter #2, 15yo Sh, this is the bathroom in hell. 15yo Sh is an "alternative" person. By this I mean that she listens to alternative music and is addicted to black eyeliner. It's an accessory, just like converse high tops. Anyway, when I went to pick Sh up after more than 2 hours of tub time, she came trudging out to the van with armloads of hair products (another fashion accessory) and a very "someone just needs to die" air about her. When questioned about what was the matter, she began with, "Well, I'm trying to get ready and all I hear is Papa going *imitation of my dad's laugh* and H and M cackling." Apparently it was all down hill from there. She then proceeded to tell how she kept trying to apply her makeup in a room with no windows and 20 watt lighting. After each of her several dozen attempts she was forced to wash her face with acid, I mean with plain soap and water. This caused a problem when she tried to put in her contacts. Evidently soap residue was still on her fingers, so when she inserted the lense into her eye her entire eyeball, and I quote, "burst into flames." And all of this took place in a room so riddled with mirrors that she was forced to view herself from every angle imaginable. I wondered how this was possible when one had flaming eyeballs covered by thick layers of eyeliner, but I didn't ask. It wasn't the time. I just told her she looked great in spite of her unfortunate experience. Wrong. For my information her eyeliner was all screwed up. She had way too much on. Too much? Once again I wondered to myself, what constitutes "too much" eyeliner? What criteria had she used to make that determination? To her mother's untrained eye it looked just the same as every other day, but to Sh there was a huge and glaring difference. This time, due to poor lighting, maddening laughter, crazy house mirrors and hand soap, she had crossed the lines of "alternative" good taste and beome *gasp* "heavy-handed" in eyeliner application. At the age of 15 a day like this can only mean one thing. "Life is crap, but if you'll give me 5 minutes and some money I think I can turn this thing around and still be in shape to shop." By the time I dropped her and 17yo E off at Marshall's (approx. time, 5 min.) it was all good.

0 comments so far

previous current next
archives