For those of you who are under the false impression that my husband and offspring constitute the Holy Family, I offer you this:
J - Tall, turning silver and receeding. Being my soulmate does not mean that I have never entertained thoughts about ending his life.
Ev - She is 5 feet 2 inches tall, weighs under 115 pounds and eats everything she wants to (and a lot of stuff she doesn't). You can flip quarters off her bum, and yet she whines about having "hip fat." Yeah, that's annoying!
Shau - Did I mention that her superb taste does nothing for her cleaning abilities? And because she is a conniver she weasels her way out of ever cleaning her room by sidetracking me with massages.
Han - The touchy-feely girl has a knack of needing to hug you at the most inconvenient times, i.e., while you are trying to peel potatoes, wash your hair, iron naked, etc... She inherited this from her father.
Moll - Try buying a pair of pants for someone who doesn't own a pair of hips to keep them up with.
Sof - She was constipated for the first three years of her life. Need I say more?
Jes - Has the amazing capacity to time every bowel movement he has with meal time.
Lil - Rather than have a regular butt-crack, she has a canal that funnels both bodily functions up over her diaper and straight up her back.
I just realized that my last three children have a lot in common.
So, there it all is. The Crew and all of their nasty, annoying, disgusting habits. It's a good thing that I didn't put myself on that list.